http://www.vipjournal.net RSS VJ v1.5 Funny Pictures, Auto/Moto Images, DIY, Funny Pics, Photos. Videos of Really Very Cute animals too Wed, 22 May 2013 04:52:59 +0000en(c) 2005 by VJ All Rights Reserved madromas@yahoo.com madromas@yahoo.com http://www.vipjournal.net/style_images/1/logo.gif http://www.vipjournal.net 144 56 Funny Pictures, Auto/Moto Images, DIY, Funny Pics, Photos. Videos of Really Very Cute animals too Tue, 30 Apr 2013 21:59:52 +0000 http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2790.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 16:54:33 +0000

]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2789.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 16:25:54 +0000 - Why?
- What do you mean "why"? I'm in love!
- What does love have to do with marriage in our state agencies legislation? Who forbids you to love?
- Well ... she insisted ...
- You agree to meet all her Wishes? What about your own desires and interests?
- Well ... uh-uh, I want kids.
- Kids do not come from a marriage.
- Uh, well, isn't that's how it so-pose to be!
-Who said?
- ..... Uh-uh.
- Well, what do you get when you get married?
- Well ... like ... wife.
- Wrong. Under the current law wife doesn't have to be loyal, but also don't have to live with you. She don't even have to have sex with you if she don't want to. So what do you get? ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2788.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 15:55:32 +0000

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]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2783.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:59:54 +0000
Customer: “Excuse me, I’m sorry to be a bother. Could I possibly get change from you?”

Me: “Okay, come up to the till. I’ll help you out.”

Customer: “Thank you so much.”

(He hands me three ˆ20 note.)

Customer: “If I could get a ˆ50 note and a ˆ10 note out of this, it’d be really helpful.”

(I take the three ˆ20 notes, and hand him back the change.)

Customer: “Thanks. Sorry, but could I ask one more favor? Could I just get two ˆ1 coins for this?”

(He hands me a ˆ2 coin. I am feeling slightly suspicious now. I turn back to the till, take out the two one-euro coins, and hand them to the man. He doesn’t move.)

Me: “Is there something else?”

Customer: “You never gave me the ˆ50 note.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I did.”

Customer: “No, you definitely didn’t.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any more money. If you would like, you can come back during closing. If we’re ˆ50 over the end of day report, I will be happy to rectify my mistake. However, I’m absolutely positive I did not make one.”

Customer: “Are you, really? This is ridiculous. You did not give me the money!”

Me: “I think I did.”

Customer: “You couldn’t have made a mistake? How are you so sure?”

Me: “Because the corner of the ˆ50 note I gave you is sticking out of your sleeve.”

(Turns out he had done it to all the other shops on the street, and successfully conned two.) ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2782.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:59:28 +0000
Me: “Hello! How’re you this evening?”

Regular: “Good! What were you doing just now?”

(I pull out the earring.)

Me: “Oh. I was making a pair of earrings to pass the time.”

Regular: “You make earrings?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve made a few necklaces too.”

(I pull my necklace out of my shirt to show him.)

Regular: “That’s really nice. Hey, I’ve got some beads and stuff that my wife bought. We were going to make jewelry to sell, but we never got around to it. When I get home tonight, I’ll get her to help me dig out some of the beads. I’ll bring them in, or send them with Mom, okay?”

Me: “Okay, thanks!”

(A week later, his mother comes into the store. She hands me a package containing dozens of hand-blown glass beads, along with a note.)

Mother’s Note: “These are just some of the beads. Hope you can use these in your jewelry making. We’re still trying to dig the rest of them out. It may take a few more trips, but we’ll get them all to you.”

(It’s the nice people like that who make my job worthwhile!) ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2781.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:58:43 +0000
Colleague: “This lady wants to return this DVD because she claims it doesn’t work. Take a look at the disc.”

(I take a look at the disc, and it is severely scratched.)

Me: “Well, that’s clearly why it’s not working. Did she say she bought it like that?”

Colleague: “Yeah. She said she opened it and the disc was already like that.”

(All of our DVDs come with security seals which are unlocked when purchased, so I know this isn’t the case. I look at the DVD title in our system, and notice we have not sold any in the last four weeks. I remember this same customer has tried to return DVDs in the same condition before.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How are you today? Now, were you the customer that was after a refund for this DVD?”

Customer: “Yes, it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay. Now did you have a receipt for it? That way I can clear up a few things.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a receipt! I didn’t think I’d need one!”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Now when did you purchase this DVD?”

Customer: “Last week! Why is this even an issue?”

Me: “Well, I have just checked our records. It shows that we haven’t sold a copy of this DVD is over a month. So, either you’re lying to me, or you’ve stolen it. In either case, you are definitely not getting a refund, and I suggest you leave this store immediately. I’ll be sure to ring all neighbouring stores, informing them that you’re attempting to get a refund on a product that you may not have even bought. Is that all for today?”

(The customer snatches the DVD, and runs out of the store. I ring the store closest to us. Two hours later, I receive a phone call saying they caught her, and she is wanted for 12 other charges!) ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2780.html Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:50:57 +0000

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]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2765.html Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:52:21 +0000
Blonde Man: “Are you new here?”

Me: “No, sir. I’ve been a waitress here for two years and three years at [other restaurant] prior.”

Blonde Man: “Then you have no excuse for how terrible this service was. The salad was wilty, and the entree was way too cold, and you were nowhere to be found. Plus, this place is far too noisy; I could barely hear myself speak! Honestly, I get better service at a fast food place.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. While there isn’t much I can do about the noise, I did offer to bring you different food before, but you said no.”

Blonde Man: *waves me off* “Just bring me the check, and try not to be so slow about it for once.”

(I go and get the check, but when I return, the brown-haired man stands up and hands me a $20 bill.)

Brown-haired Man: “Here, this is your tip. He wasn’t going to give you one. As a former waiter myself, I thought you were doing a perfectly fine job. My food was great, and the service was fast even though you’re so busy right now.”

(He turns to his blonde companion.)

Brown-haired Man: “People like you made my job so much worse, especially for making us work that much harder for no tip. So thanks for the meal, but you can go ahead and delete my number because there will be no second date. And by the way, potjevleesch is supposed to be served cold, you idiot.”

(With that, he left the restaurant without his date. It made the whole night worth it, to see that blonde man speechless for once.) ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2764.html Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:51:29 +0000

]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2763.html Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:47:34 +0000 from: eatliver


]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2762.html Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:45:29 +0000
Me: “Can I help you?”

(The customer dumps her items on the counter without acknowledging me, and then turns to her friend and speaks in Polish.)

Customer #1: “Look at this dumb b****! How bad must your life get to work here?!”

Customer #2: *in Polish* “I know! And she judges us for being Polish! All English people are so racist!”

Me: *in Polish* “That will be £7, please.”

Customers #1 & #2: *both turn red and hurry out of the shop* ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2761.html Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:43:06 +0000
Customer: “You can’t have this saw.”

Me: “And why not?”

Customer: “Because I need it!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that, but I picked it up first when you weren’t even near it. They’ll probably order some soon.”

Customer: “Give it to me, I really need it.”

Me: “As much as I do. I’m sorry, sir, but it’s mine.”

Customer: “I clearly need it more than you; you’re a woman! You can’t have any use for a saw!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m doing woodworking and I need this saw for an order a client placed with me. I am not going to give it to you and delay my client’s order.”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Oh, I’m sorry, I couldn’t know… If I knew you were a woodworker, I wouldn’t have said that.”

Me: “You shouldn’t make sexist comments like that, regardless of what field I work. Every woman is allowed to buy a saw… not only woodworkers.” ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2760.html Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:39:46 +0000
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry." ]]> http://www.vipjournal.net/topic2759.html